The Singles’ Timeline

BY: AMBER ZURII

I’m a fairly new resident to Atlanta. 

I first visited the city a few years ago, in November of 2015, in the season of my life where I decided to turn my back on God.

It was sort of a spontaneous choice. I just wanted to go somewhere on my own. I’d never traveled alone as an adult, and just had an itch to do something. Unbeknownst to me, God would use this trip for His glory, even in my moment of having my back turned to Him. 

It was the beginning of understanding a literal freedom I had. It was my first time traveling alone. What surprised me most was that I wasn’t afraid. 

My motives for the trip were more than I understood at the time. I was desperate to prove myself in the situationship I’d abandoned God for. Most of me wanted to prove I was adventurous as he was. He was an idol to me. Brilliant, commanding, captivating. Some of me wanted to see what I could accomplish on my own - the neglected part of me. 

Singleness has been anchored in my mind as a punishment. Even today, I have to stay on guard from seeing this season of my life as a burden.

CREATION

I’d given my life to God a few years prior, in the summer before my senior year of college in 2012. My first year of salvation was a confusing time. The first thing God told me to do was to break up with my boyfriend. After a few months of attempted negotiation with God, I begrudgingly obeyed. I finished out my college career socially lonely, and continually wrestled with what this new life was for, and what it should look like.

After graduation, during the summer I joined a women’s small group at church. We were broken up by table, and had two table leaders to guide us through discussion. One day I was headed to work, with a particularly heavy heart, and one of my table leaders called me. Her name is Samantha. We began to talk, and I just poured out my heart to her about my confusion, and heaviness I couldn't identify. She invited me to spend time with her, and opened the door to a relationship that God used to save me. 

From there, I began healing from hurts, spending time with women, studying God’s Word and serving at my church. I jumped into living the most fulfilling life of singleness I could. It would be a few years before I realized a severe error in my heart.

THE FALL

Commitment to God had been presented to me, (unintentionally, I’m sure), as an exchange of sorts. If I a) served God, b) remained abstinent, and c) indulged in enough girls’ nights, then I could rightfully expect the desires of my heart; the greatest of all being marriage. The first two years were a blast. I was committed to a number of small groups, worked full time at my church, and began discipling a teenage girl. However, as years of service, “contentment” and girls’ nights continued to roll by, I could feel confusion slowly rise up in me. I sent Jesus a reminder email that my season for relationship was fast approaching - please reply, xoxo. 

Another year passed, and confusion matured into irritation. Jesus must’ve been away from his desk. I sent a follow up. 

After a few months, irritation turned into....rage, honestly. It was time, and God had not delivered. I’d been faithful, and God had not delivered. I questioned Him constantly. I was depressed, I had no peace. Outwardly I seemed content in my season; inwardly I was on fire. (Matthew 23:27)

I gave God an ultimatum. 

“Give me what I deserve, or I’m out.” I’m cringing as I write this. I literally and foolishly gave God an ultimatum. 

Now, when I think about this period in my life I can only thank God. I threw so many reckless words at Him. He loved me. He was patient with me. He withheld His full strength when breaking and disciplining me. (Hebrews 12:6)

My conversations, (or whatever the one sided version of a conversation is), with God started to look like interrogations. I began making demands disguised as prayer. 

He didn’t deliver. 

A situationship soon followed that ushered in the lowest point in my life. I took the reigns of my life and steered it straight into a tsunami firestorm. A tsunami firestorm feels like an accurate description.

The thought of me giving God that ultimatum now makes me both cringe and praise Him for His grace in the same breath.

I spent the next year and a half in situationships, each more toxic than the last. The last situationship was one I was certain I could make work in my favor. It was foolproof. I’m grateful that God isn’t a fool. I remember feeling Him tugging lightly at my heart in those dark nights, gently whispering my name and calling me back to Himself. (Isaiah 55:7)

REDEMPTION

God used that “sure thing” to break me. We were out with his and my best friend, going to a movie. I’d been doubtful the entire time we were together, and remember praying in the back of the car, “God if this man is not for me I need you to make it 100% clear. I need you to help me.” I was pleading. After the movie, I went to ride back home with my best friend. As soon as I got in the car and shut the door, she turned to me and said, “This man is not for you. God wanted me to tell you. He’s not it.” I called him as soon as I got home and called it off. 

God used that season of my life to teach me a few things:

• I’d adopted a legalistic, performance based form of Christianity (Galatians 2:20-21)

• My view of Jesus needed to change (John 1:14)

• I needed to recognize my bend towards idolatry and address those roots (Jonah 2:8)

• Jesus saved me from sin and from myself (Ephesians 2:1-10)

RESTORATION

This is a weak spot in my heart I still need to be aware of. Christ has lovingly revealed to me His power and right to be worshipped through His Word.  I’m still growing in running to Him with confidence, and trusting Him with my doubts and fears. I’ve recognized the gem that is community, and the role it really plays in my life. I’m growing in seeing the men in my life as my brothers, and God has used my singleness to grow me while blessing and serving others well. 

When our timeline for our lives doesn’t match up with God’s, it’s so much better to approach God with open, uplifted hands and continue to follow Him. His destination for our lives is much more fruitful than what we could ever imagine.